fbpx

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO HEAL FROM DIVORCE? by Trauma-informed divorce expert & coach, Sujata Uppal

Does it take months or years to heal from divorce? When does the rollercoaster of emotions subside so that you can move on? You want to know what you can do to heal.

In this video, I cover a few things that you can do to take charge of your healing process.

CLICK THE IMAGE BELOW TO WATCH THE VIDEO

If you would like to be in a group with others who understand the challenges you are facing, join my FaceBook group – Transitions of Divorce. In this group, you can get your questions answered by me as well as get the support you are seeking.

PS: Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel. http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

Video Highlights
00:43 – Is there a magical number of years for healing to take place
1:26 – Conflicting information about healing
2:54 – Can your friends help you?
3:27 – This will cause healing to slow down

ABOUT SUJATA UPPAL, TRAUMA-INFORMED DIVORCE COACH
Sujata is a life coach, mentor, and empowerment advocate for women. She empowers women through the stages of divorce to safeguard their future because decisions made during the divorce, have a long-lasting impact. Divorce can devastate the lives of women and children. She knows how hard and fraught with pain and uncertainty it is and is here to bring clarity and confidence and to partner on that journey so that you experience minimal suffering, and achieve greater personal freedom and self-empowerment.
Sujata’s goal is for her clients to have peace of mind during divorce, knowing that they made informed decisions that serve them and their children, and have a plan for a secure financial future based on goals that take into account all aspects of their life. She coaches women on how to create the life they want after their divorce that makes them happy, successful, and fulfilled.
Sujata has a Master’s Degree in Sociology. She is a certified Life Coach, Divorce Recovery Coach, and Singles Relationship Coach. Sujata started her career in the mental health field and moved on to educating Sociology to college students. In addition, she has led and mentored women who gave up their careers to become stay-at-home mothers, as well as those who were transitioning back into the workforce. She has helped women prepare for divorce, work out their differences, or find the partner they seek after divorce.
The common theme in all of Sujata’s work is teaching women about self-esteem and self-empowerment so that they can be their own best advocate and claim the life they deserve with clarity and confidence. This is what helped her get the outcome she wanted in her divorce, and now she uses her skills, education, knowledge, and experience to teach other women to do the same.

CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP

P.S. Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

.
.
.
#Healingfromdivorce
#CopingWithDivorce
#SelfEmpowerment
#HighConflictDivorce
#TraumaofDivorce
#Intentionalhealing
#DivorceConsulting
#DivorcecChaos
#Selfcompassion
#Selfcare
#DivorceCoach
#DivorceSupport
#DivorceForWomen
#divorcedmom
#divorcedwoman

What is Divorce Trauma? Trauma-Informed Divorce Expert and Coach, Sujata Uppal Explains

Usually, when we think of trauma we think of physical trauma. While physical trauma is visible, one can suffer from emotional trauma, which is NOT visible to other people and still be accompanied by a lot of pain, challenges, and destruction.

The social messaging about trauma is to deny it and bury it especially as it relates to divorce. If you do, you can never really heal from it! And if one doesn’t heal from it, then one passes on that trauma to the next generation.

In this video, I discuss the importance of understanding the emotional trauma of divorce so that you can heal and free yourself and your children from it.

CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO WATCH THE VIDEO

Are you feeling traumatized by your divorce? If you are and would like to have a conversation about it with someone who understands, take advantage of a free clarity session with me.

https://bookme.name/sujatauppal/free-divorce-clarity-session

PS: Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel. http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

Video Highlights
:55 – Is trauma caused by only physical events?
1:24 – What is emotional trauma?
2:14 – The elephant in the room
3:27 – Burying divorce trauma
4:38 – Healing from trauma
4:55 – Generational trauma

ABOUT SUJATA UPPAL, TRAUMA-INFORMED DIVORCE COACH
Sujata is a divorce coach, mentor, and empowerment advocate for women. She empowers women going through the stages of divorce to safeguard their future because decisions made during the divorce, have a long-lasting impact. Divorce can devastate the lives of women and children. She knows how hard and fraught with pain and uncertainty it is and is here to bring clarity and confidence and to partner on that journey so that you experience minimal suffering, and achieve greater personal freedom and self-empowerment during a divorce.

Sujata’s goal is for her clients to not only have peace of mind during divorce as they make informed decisions that serve them and their children, she also coaches them to have a plan for a secure financial future based on goals that take into account all aspects of their life. She coaches women on how to create the life they want after their divorce that makes them happy, successful, and fulfilled.

Sujata has a Master’s Degree in Sociology. She is a certified Life Coach, Divorce Recovery Coach, and Singles Relationship Coach. Sujata started her career in the mental health field and moved on to educating Sociology to college students. In addition, she has led and mentored women who gave up their careers to become stay-at-home mothers, as well as those who were transitioning back into the workforce. She has helped women prepare for divorce, work out their differences, or find the partner they seek after divorce.

The common theme in all of Sujata’s work is teaching women about self-esteem and self-empowerment so that they can be their own best advocate and claim the life they deserve with clarity and confidence. This is what helped her get the outcome she wanted in her divorce, and now she uses her skills, education, knowledge, and experience to teach other women to do the same.

If you are looking for more clarity on your divorce experience and how to heal from the trauma of it, book a FREE Clarity Session with me

http://bit.ly/claritysessionwithsu

P.S. Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

.
.
.
#CopingWithDivorce
#SelfEmpowerment
#HighConflictDivorce
#TraumaofDivorce
# HowtoCopeWithDivorceAsaWoman
#DivorceConsulting
#DivorcecChaos
#DivorceCoach
#PreparingForDivorce
#DivorceSupport
#consciousuncoupling
#DivorceForWomen
#thinkingaboutdivorce
#divorcedmom
#divorcedwoman

Preparing for Divorce: 5 Things No One tells You

What are the things to keep in mind while preparing for divorce?

While life with a partner starts with wedding bells surrounded by people you love, the end of that life is silent and mostly alone.

 

Divorce isn’t a subject people like to talk about. Those who haven’t been divorced generally have no clue what you are going through and sometimes treat your divorce as if it is contagious.

 

Those who have been divorced may be more interested in telling their own story than in hearing yours. Even the professionals you retain work only in their area of specialty. There is really no one watching over you and no real assistance in preparing for divorce if you are contemplating divorce or have started on that process.

 

What you don’t know, you can’t plan for, and yet planning is even more critical during divorce than it was for the wedding. Here are some things that you must know that will help you prepare for divorce:

1. Divorce is usually harder than you think it is going to be

I don’t say this to scare you. It is simply the reality of divorce. If you are contemplating divorce, you understand that this process is going to be difficult. It is going to be painful and it is going to challenge you. However, it isn’t until you go through it that you feel the full force of what you have taken on. While there are divorces that are amicable, that is not the norm – especially when children are involved and when the stakes are high in terms of income and assets.

 

(To assess the level of challenge you will face in your divorce, take my FREE Self-Assessment Quiz by >>clicking here<<. I want you to be as prepared as possible for what lies ahead. The more information you have about divorce, the more prepared you are, the less the detrimental effects of divorce. Preparing for divorce is extremely important; with preparation will come the belief in your ability to cope with the process.

 

As you navigate this difficult terrain, remember the words of A.A Milne, spoken by Winnie the Pooh’s friend, Christopher Robin: “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

2. All aspects of your life will be affected by your divorce to some degree

You might know that divorce will significantly impact your finances, your emotional well-being and your children. However, these aren’t the only areas that will be strained. The life you created with your partner spans everything that you did together – and you will experience a change in all of them.

 

You may lose friends. Your family may not support you. You may not be able to perform as well at work, you may need to change your home and/or the area you live in, and the high stress levels may show up in your health. It is my hope that your divorce has the least stress as possible. However, knowing ahead of time that these issues can crop up keeps you from being blind-sided by them if they were to show up.

 

Preparing for divorce entails putting together a good team of professionals who can help you devise a strategy that will guide you through the process as well as the recovery afterwards. Trying to go through divorce by yourself is like trying to do surgery on yourself! You are the patient who needs an expert support system.

 

Don’t rely on the advice of your friends either. They aren’t trained for this, and even if they have been through a divorce, no two circumstances are the same. You need help figuring out your plan based on your unique situation as it relates to all the aspects of your life.

 

3. The research on the impact of divorce on children that you should know about

If there is one topic that has had a lot written about it, it is the impact of divorce on children! This is also the area that leads to the most guilt in parents. Worrying about the impact of divorce on their children exacerbates the stress of divorce.

Child of divorce

Dr. Tamara Affifi is a professor at UCSB whose research primarily focuses on parent-child issues, especially as it pertains to the sense of loss, uncertainty, and stress that accompanies divorce. In a TED talk, Dr. Affifi shares results from her research that will surprise most people: “There is one variable that determines more than any other how well children function after divorce and that’s parents’ conflict…In fact children whose parents have a lot of conflict and who stay married, those are the children that actually have the most difficulty psychologically and the most difficulty in establishing satisfying relationships later in life; not the children whose parents got divorced.”

 

If you have children, you must know what you can and cannot say or do during divorce if you are trying to minimize the negative effects of divorce on them. This doesn’t come naturally when you are yourself in significant pain and your life is in a state of chaos. Seek the help of a trained professional to ensure that your parenting mitigates the impact of divorce on your children.

 

4. You are responsible for the outcome of your divorce

Whether you are contemplating divorce or in the process of getting one, you are bombarded with information and advice. Everyone has their own take on it, including the experts. Yet no one other than you knows what is right for you. This is the end of your marriage that we are talking about and no one knows or understands that better than you. It is imperative that you figure out the outcome you want from your divorce in every aspect of your life and then work on preparing for divorce so that you can get it.

 

This doesn’t mean that you can walk this journey alone; in fact quite the opposite is true. You do NEED experts but in the capacity of consultants, collaborators, and representatives who work on your behalf. You are ultimately responsible for your future life since you are the one who will be living it!

 

It is your responsibility to get information about the process, your legal rights, best practices, and the options available to you. You use this information to discern what you want and the strategy you want to follow to get it. This may not be easy to do at a time when you are being pulled in different directions. Working with a divorce mentor and coach to achieve this will not only help you come up with a plan but also keep you aligned with your values.

 

5. In every loss there is a gain – and this is also true of divorce

Divorce is commonly understood as a dissolution of marriage and dissolution implies the end of something. However, as the proverb states, “in every end is a new beginning.” The same is true of divorce. There is no doubt that you will have to contend with many losses. However, once you have been through the grieving process, you will find many opportunities – opportunities to redefine yourself, to experience new things, and to do things you might never have done before.

Divorce provides an opportunity to do your life over based on who you are today and what you now want out of life. Don’t be in a rush to recreate the life you had by jumping into a new relationship; create the relationship with yourself first. Then, when you create new bonds, they will be much stronger and hopefully much more permanent!

 

If you have made the choice to get divorced, it is a necessary ending that you must endure. However, once the dust settles, you can build a new life out of the wisdom that you gleaned from it and begin a new story in which you get to choose the role your character plays.

 

Coping with Divorce: Putting Self-Care First

 
When coping with Divorce Self-Care is the first step

Self Care Is Best for Coping with DivorceIf you are currently coping with divorce I am sure you are doing a lot of internet searches.  If you google the phrase, “‘first during divorce’”, you will find that the top search results relate to children and how to put children first during divorce. As a mother, I agree that children must be a priority in all divorce related decisions. However, I am a firm believer that in order to do what is best for your children, you must put your self-care first.

 

You can’t be the best for your children if you aren’t your best! Whether you have children or not, you will achieve the best outcome from your divorce when you put yourself first.

 

 What does this really mean, given that the definition of best can vary from person to person and situation to situation?

 

While coping with divorce, there are some essentials of self-care that must be in place for you to make decisions that serve your greatest good.

 

There are four areas of self-care that can be very challenging to manage during a divorce. I have created the mnemonic BEST (Breathing, Eating, Sleeping, and Tackling Stress) as a framework to help you be your best self during this difficult time. These four areas are interrelated and critical to manage during divorce.

 

Breathing

Oftentimes when we are stressed, we tend to either breathe very shallowly or even hold our breath. We might not even realize that we are doing this.

 

The phrase “waiting to exhale” can be very real during divorce. Since breathing impacts each and every cell, when we breathe improperly we can cause detrimental changes in our mind and body, making dealing with divorce more difficult.

 

In working with clients, my first advice to them is to become aware of their breathing. Almost all of them report that they do in fact tend to breathe improperly during stressful times, which can be frequent during divorce.

 

By becoming aware of your breath, you can focus on correcting it, which will go a long way towards surviving divorce. Breathing is also a part of mindfulness meditation so that if you are so inclined, you can make mediation a part of your daily practice, which will not only reduce your stress but also have other physical benefits as well.

 

Here is what Dr. Hedy Koder, a neuroscientist who runs the Clinical and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at Yale University said about meditation in a TED talk: “It did to my mind what going to the gym does to my body – it makes it both stronger and more flexible.”

 

It was after a break-up that she started practicing meditation and found that after practicing for some time she “learned to have better responses not only to the breakup itself but about other things” which included physical trauma as well. In her talk, she provides scientific evidence to support the physiological benefits of meditation.

 

 Eating

You may have heard the term “divorce diet”. It is used to describe the weight that people shed while going through divorce. This is not a diet at all. It is the result of not being able to eat due to the stress you are experiencing while going through a divorce.

 

We all handle grief differently, so that while some women lose a lot of weight, others gain a lot of weight. They eat to combat depression and to comfort themselves, resulting in weight gain. In addition to grief, they may have feelings of rejection and low self-esteem. This can push healthy eating to the side as their minds are preoccupied elsewhere.

 

Both – losing weight and gaining it – are responses to the stress of divorce and can have long-lasting impacts on your health. Needless to say, it is extremely important that you stay mindful (here is that word again) of your eating patterns.

 

Since divorce brings with it a roller coaster of emotions, you might want to plan your meals at times when you aren’t overcome by sadness. That way, when you go for food as a way to comfort yourself, you will have healthy choices at hand. You might even consider seeing a nutritionist who can guide you towards making better food choices. The same is true for those who are not eating enough.

 

Sleeping

Both a lack of sleep and too much sleep are linked to stress. Some people develop insomnia because they are worried about the outcome of divorce and can’t stop thinking about it.

 

Experts call this “secondary insomnia” since it is related to a specific life event. Not only can this turn into a long-term problem, it affects your mental functioning and makes coping with divorce even more difficult.

 

While some people can’t sleep, others may sleep too much, which can be a sign of depression. According to the National Institutes of Health, the association between sleep disturbance and major depression is very strong. A discussion with your health care provider is highly recommended if you are experiencing sleep related issues so that you can develop a concrete plan to sleep more healthily and address underlying mental health issues which may be causing irregular sleep patterns.

 

Tackling Stress

women doing yoga while Coping with Divorce

Divorce is considered by many  to be the most stressful event in life (either equal to or a close second to the death of a loved one). I believe that it is far more difficult to process than any other life event.

 

Additionally, a person going through divorce often receives much less support from the community than a person experiencing another traumatic life event. This further elevates the stress that divorce causes.

 

There are many factors that affect the stress that accompanies divorce, such as the length of marriage, the presence of children, and the relationship dynamics of your marriage and divorce.

 

To assess the level of difficulty you are likely to face in your divorce, take my FREE Divorce Diagnostics Self Assessment Quiz by >>clicking here<<. The more difficult the divorce, the more stress it will bring, making it harder to cope with divorce. It will also require greater preparation and will take a longer time to recover from.

 

Stress manifests in many ways, both emotional and physical. Divorce can sometimes be so traumatic as to cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which women are much more likely to experience than men.

 

Managing the shock and stress of divorce is a big subject and outside the purview of this post. Suffice it to say that if you find yourself experiencing a lot of stress either during your divorce or after it, the best thing you can do for yourself is to seek help from a qualified professional who can evaluate you and create a plan for recovery.

 

Each one of us needs to be mindful of how we can be our BEST self, especially when facing the challenges and stresses of divorce.

 

If you find yourself having trouble berating properly, eating nutritiously, or sleeping healthfully, your body is signalling to you that you need help. It is very important to recognize when your divorce is interfering with your daily functioning.

 

It is equally important to seek the help from professionals who can support and assist you both during and after your divorce. Divorce has the potential to be quite detrimental to your well being, so you need to proactively make the decision to take care of yourself in this difficult time.