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Your Self-Esteem After Your Divorce

DON’T LET YOUR DIVORCE DEFINE YOU

Taking a hit on your self-esteem after divorce is perfectly natural but there is so much more to you than your marriage and divorce. How do you tap into that and regain, rebuild, and fortify your self-esteem after your divorce?

Watch this short video to learn what you can do starting right NOW to bolster your self-esteem.

If you would like to be in a group with others who understand the challenges you are facing, join my FaceBook group – Transitions of Divorce. In this group, you can get your questions answered by me as well as get the support you are seeking.

PS: Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel. http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

Video Highlights

00:19 Why is your self-esteem taking a beating after divorce

00:56 What is self-esteem

00:14 The three things you can do now to improve your self-esteem

If you are looking for more clarity on your divorce experience and how to heal from the trauma of it, book a FREE Clarity Session with me

>>CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE SESSION<<

 

P.S. Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

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HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO HEAL FROM DIVORCE? by Trauma-informed divorce expert & coach, Sujata Uppal

Does it take months or years to heal from divorce? When does the rollercoaster of emotions subside so that you can move on? You want to know what you can do to heal.

In this video, I cover a few things that you can do to take charge of your healing process.

CLICK THE IMAGE BELOW TO WATCH THE VIDEO

If you would like to be in a group with others who understand the challenges you are facing, join my FaceBook group – Transitions of Divorce. In this group, you can get your questions answered by me as well as get the support you are seeking.

PS: Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel. http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

Video Highlights
00:43 – Is there a magical number of years for healing to take place
1:26 – Conflicting information about healing
2:54 – Can your friends help you?
3:27 – This will cause healing to slow down

ABOUT SUJATA UPPAL, TRAUMA-INFORMED DIVORCE COACH
Sujata is a life coach, mentor, and empowerment advocate for women. She empowers women through the stages of divorce to safeguard their future because decisions made during the divorce, have a long-lasting impact. Divorce can devastate the lives of women and children. She knows how hard and fraught with pain and uncertainty it is and is here to bring clarity and confidence and to partner on that journey so that you experience minimal suffering, and achieve greater personal freedom and self-empowerment.
Sujata’s goal is for her clients to have peace of mind during divorce, knowing that they made informed decisions that serve them and their children, and have a plan for a secure financial future based on goals that take into account all aspects of their life. She coaches women on how to create the life they want after their divorce that makes them happy, successful, and fulfilled.
Sujata has a Master’s Degree in Sociology. She is a certified Life Coach, Divorce Recovery Coach, and Singles Relationship Coach. Sujata started her career in the mental health field and moved on to educating Sociology to college students. In addition, she has led and mentored women who gave up their careers to become stay-at-home mothers, as well as those who were transitioning back into the workforce. She has helped women prepare for divorce, work out their differences, or find the partner they seek after divorce.
The common theme in all of Sujata’s work is teaching women about self-esteem and self-empowerment so that they can be their own best advocate and claim the life they deserve with clarity and confidence. This is what helped her get the outcome she wanted in her divorce, and now she uses her skills, education, knowledge, and experience to teach other women to do the same.

CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP

P.S. Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

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#CopingWithDivorce
#SelfEmpowerment
#HighConflictDivorce
#TraumaofDivorce
#Intentionalhealing
#DivorceConsulting
#DivorcecChaos
#Selfcompassion
#Selfcare
#DivorceCoach
#DivorceSupport
#DivorceForWomen
#divorcedmom
#divorcedwoman

How do you beat the overwhelm of divorce?

Divorce and overwhelm go hand in hand. Untangling years of life together is an overwhelming process. There are so many things to do, so many areas of your life to manage – all in addition to your already busy life!

Often you don’t know where to begin so you look to the Internet for answers. The problem is that the more information you find, the more overwhelmed you become!

The danger of too much information and being overwhelmed is that it stops you from doing anything at all. You are confused, frustrated, and scared. Your future and that of your children if you any is at stake!

In this 4-minute video, I tell you two of the most important things you can do to cope with a divorce that will help you not only beat the overwhelm of divorce but get a handle on other emotions as well.

CLICK THE IMAGE TO SEE THE VIDEO

Want support during your divorce?
Join my Facebook group, TRANSITIONS OF DIVORCE which is monitored by me.

P.S. Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel

ABOUT SUJATA UPPAL, TRAUMA-INFORMED TRANSITION COACH

Sujata is a life coach, mentor, and empowerment advocate for women. Sujata is committed to guiding women through the difficult transition of divorce so that they experience minimal suffering, and achieve greater personal freedom and self-empowerment.

Sujata’s goal is for her clients to have peace of mind during divorce, knowing that they made informed decisions that serve them and their children, and have a plan for a secure financial future based on goals that take into account all aspects of their life. She coaches women on how to create the life they want after their divorce that makes them happy, successful, and fulfilled.

Sujata has a Master’s Degree in Sociology. She is a certified Life Coach, Divorce Recovery Coach, and Singles Relationship Coach. Sujata started her career in the mental health field and moved on to educating Sociology to college students. In addition, she has led and mentored women who gave up their careers to become stay-at-home mothers, as well as those who were transitioning back into the workforce. She has helped women prepare for divorce, work out their differences, or find the partner they seek after divorce.

The common theme in all of Sujata’s work is teaching women about self-esteem and self-empowerment so that they can be their own best advocate and claim the life they deserve with clarity and confidence. This is what helped her get the outcome she wanted in her divorce, and now she uses her skills, education, knowledge, and experience to teach other women to do the same.

If you are looking for more information on topics like this then go to my blog at
TRANSITIONAIDE.COM
P.S. Remember to LIKE this video and SUBSCRIBE to my channel http://bit.ly/transitionaideYT

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#HowToDealWithaBreakup
#CopingWithDivorce
#TraumaofDivorce
# HowtoCopeWithDivorceAsaWoman
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#SelfLove
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#JustKeepSwimming

After a betrayal, is it possible to trust again?

If someone you trust enough to live with, create a life with, and pledged to grow old with, has left you feeling betrayed, how can you trust others in future?

It is possible to go through your life being suspicious or distrustful for others. It will most likely keep you safe from getting hurt again. Why then is it important to trust again? It is important because trust is necessary for human connections. It is the only way we can build emotional intimacy, and intimacy is the only way we can build meaningful relationships. What is life without meaningful relationships?

The way to build trust in others is to build trust in yourself.

So, how do you learn to trust yourself so that you can trust others and build intimate connections again? Watch this 4-minute video to find out.

 

Support During Divorce: How Safe are Your Safe People?

Support during divorce

Support during divorce

If there is one event in life that leaves your heart feeling split open and totally vulnerable, it is divorce.

 

You want comfort, solace, and support, so you look towards your friends and family for it. You believe that because they love you and care for what you are going through they will understand your pain and confusion.

 

Before you openly share your innermost thoughts with other people, ask yourself: are they the best people to turn to for support during divorce? How safe are your “safe” people?

 

In their book, Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe safe people as those possessing certain traits. Perhaps the most important of them is empathy. “Empathy,” they write, “is walking in the moccasins of another person, and not judging him until we can see what suffering he’s been through to get to the point he’s at.”

 

It is important to assess whether your experience is being received with empathy or not before you decide to open up entirely to people. Here are some reactions you might encounter that are indicative that the person is really not a safe person to share your vulnerabilities with:

 

They express the view (or imply) that since you made the choice to get divorced, you deserve no special consideration.

This minimizes the enormity of your decision or what might have led to it. You might have made a choice because you had no choice, were driven to do so, or because you felt that this was the only choice you could make that would preserve your sense of self. Whatever, the case may be, just because you made this choice doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, and anyone who doesn’t understand that isn’t a safe person to open up to at this time.

Your life’s ‘story’ becomes a soap opera for them.

 

You are in this drama not because you enjoy living in a dramatic state but because that is what divorce is. However, an unsafe person will fan the spark to make it even bigger. Even though it might feel better to have allies who wallow in it with you, it is not in your best interest because it keeps you stuck in that state.

 

While you do want people to understand what you are going through, a safe person will attempt to guide you past that. Besides, what you say in anger or out of deep hurt can easily be taken out of context, or worse, used against you at a later date.

 

You pain and vulnerability gives them an opportunity to take charge of your life.

They tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing in your divorce, with your time, or in your life.They are judging you and that is the last thing you need at this time. No one, but you, knows what is best for you!

 

In a recent article in the Huffington Post, attorney James Sexton, shares tips on what to say and what not to say while you are getting divorced. His first tip is to have a plan so that you know what you are going to do. Another piece of great advice is to never put things in writing and especially not on social media.

 

During divorce, you might not be fully cognizant of what you are sharing. Some of that information might impact others you love, like your children, and this might be more information than you would have given under normal circumstances.

 

When in doubt, err to the side of caution but don’t ‘stuff’ your emotions. To heal, you must feel and to arrive at solutions when you in a confused state, a good sounding board is important.

 

Find a professional who can help. A therapist can guide you through the grieving process, while a divorce mentor and coach will help you come up with a plan not only for this but other aspects of your life as well. Both professionals are non-judgmental, know how to handle sensitive information, and are also bound by confidentiality (to the extent allowed by law).

 

Your divorce brings out the best or the worst in people. At the very least, it shows them as who they truly are. If the people in your life are ‘safe people,’ count yourself blessed and lean on them, but if they lack the empathy that you need, be your own advocate and find the right professionals to help you navigate the choppy waters of divorce.

Is Divorce Inevitable for You?

Should you stay or should you leave?

Ever since I got divorced and decided to make it my mission to share everything I learned from it to help others, people open up to me about their marriage.

 

As one who is divorced, I am immediately seen as a safe person. After all, I have already done what they are afraid to acknowledge, sometimes even to themselves!

 

Leo Tolstoy’s book, Anna Karenina, opens with the line,

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” 

I hadn’t realized how true this is until I started working in the field of marriage and divorce.

 

I have met people who are unhappy in their marriage but unwilling to do anything about it, those who believe that marriage is meant to bring some degree of unhappiness, those staying in their marriage for the “sake of the children,” people who are afraid to leave, and others who don’t know how to go about it or want to know what the fallout will be before they take the first step. They are each unhappy in their own way.

 

There is one group that is perhaps the unhappiest of them all – those who avoid me because they don’t even want to acknowledge to themselves how unhappy they really are, and are afraid of being found out!

Is divorce inevitable for you?

Is divorce inevitable for you?

When someone approaches me about getting divorced, the first question we tackle is – is divorce inevitable for them? Divorce is not a panacea for all problems in a marriage. If marriage is rough, then divorce is rougher.

 

If you have a choice, you should go into it with your eyes open and NEVER before you have tried everything you can to save your marriage. You will have to live with the consequences of divorce and you will best be able to do so if you know in your heart that you made the decision after careful consideration.

 

If there is one piece of information that is critical for EVERYONE to understand, it is this: whether you are married or divorced, to be happy in your relationship, there are a few skills that you need to acquire.

These aren’t skills we are born with, and they are often not taught to us, yet they are critical to the success of ALL our relationships.

 

When people decide to get divorced, it is because they are trying to get away from pain –pain in their marriage. However, divorce is an equally painful process, if not more so. You don’t want to go from the frying pan into the fire.

 

Besides, you will likely enter into other relationships after your divorce, so if you haven’t learned all the skills that you need, in order to navigate your current relationship, you will be no better prepared for the next one.

 

So take the pain away from your marriage, and focus on yourself in a way that will serve you – whether you decide to stay married or leave the marriage.

 

If you decide to stay, the skills you learn will enhance your marriage in a way that you didn’t think possible. If you decide to leave, you would have already done the work that most people do after their divorce (and some never do!).

Ultimately, happiness is found within, and we are all responsible for our own happiness.

Find out if your’s lies in your current marriage before you dive into divorce.

Coping with Divorce: Putting Self-Care First

 
When coping with Divorce Self-Care is the first step

Self Care Is Best for Coping with DivorceIf you are currently coping with divorce I am sure you are doing a lot of internet searches.  If you google the phrase, “‘first during divorce’”, you will find that the top search results relate to children and how to put children first during divorce. As a mother, I agree that children must be a priority in all divorce related decisions. However, I am a firm believer that in order to do what is best for your children, you must put your self-care first.

 

You can’t be the best for your children if you aren’t your best! Whether you have children or not, you will achieve the best outcome from your divorce when you put yourself first.

 

 What does this really mean, given that the definition of best can vary from person to person and situation to situation?

 

While coping with divorce, there are some essentials of self-care that must be in place for you to make decisions that serve your greatest good.

 

There are four areas of self-care that can be very challenging to manage during a divorce. I have created the mnemonic BEST (Breathing, Eating, Sleeping, and Tackling Stress) as a framework to help you be your best self during this difficult time. These four areas are interrelated and critical to manage during divorce.

 

Breathing

Oftentimes when we are stressed, we tend to either breathe very shallowly or even hold our breath. We might not even realize that we are doing this.

 

The phrase “waiting to exhale” can be very real during divorce. Since breathing impacts each and every cell, when we breathe improperly we can cause detrimental changes in our mind and body, making dealing with divorce more difficult.

 

In working with clients, my first advice to them is to become aware of their breathing. Almost all of them report that they do in fact tend to breathe improperly during stressful times, which can be frequent during divorce.

 

By becoming aware of your breath, you can focus on correcting it, which will go a long way towards surviving divorce. Breathing is also a part of mindfulness meditation so that if you are so inclined, you can make mediation a part of your daily practice, which will not only reduce your stress but also have other physical benefits as well.

 

Here is what Dr. Hedy Koder, a neuroscientist who runs the Clinical and Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at Yale University said about meditation in a TED talk: “It did to my mind what going to the gym does to my body – it makes it both stronger and more flexible.”

 

It was after a break-up that she started practicing meditation and found that after practicing for some time she “learned to have better responses not only to the breakup itself but about other things” which included physical trauma as well. In her talk, she provides scientific evidence to support the physiological benefits of meditation.

 

 Eating

You may have heard the term “divorce diet”. It is used to describe the weight that people shed while going through divorce. This is not a diet at all. It is the result of not being able to eat due to the stress you are experiencing while going through a divorce.

 

We all handle grief differently, so that while some women lose a lot of weight, others gain a lot of weight. They eat to combat depression and to comfort themselves, resulting in weight gain. In addition to grief, they may have feelings of rejection and low self-esteem. This can push healthy eating to the side as their minds are preoccupied elsewhere.

 

Both – losing weight and gaining it – are responses to the stress of divorce and can have long-lasting impacts on your health. Needless to say, it is extremely important that you stay mindful (here is that word again) of your eating patterns.

 

Since divorce brings with it a roller coaster of emotions, you might want to plan your meals at times when you aren’t overcome by sadness. That way, when you go for food as a way to comfort yourself, you will have healthy choices at hand. You might even consider seeing a nutritionist who can guide you towards making better food choices. The same is true for those who are not eating enough.

 

Sleeping

Both a lack of sleep and too much sleep are linked to stress. Some people develop insomnia because they are worried about the outcome of divorce and can’t stop thinking about it.

 

Experts call this “secondary insomnia” since it is related to a specific life event. Not only can this turn into a long-term problem, it affects your mental functioning and makes coping with divorce even more difficult.

 

While some people can’t sleep, others may sleep too much, which can be a sign of depression. According to the National Institutes of Health, the association between sleep disturbance and major depression is very strong. A discussion with your health care provider is highly recommended if you are experiencing sleep related issues so that you can develop a concrete plan to sleep more healthily and address underlying mental health issues which may be causing irregular sleep patterns.

 

Tackling Stress

women doing yoga while Coping with Divorce

Divorce is considered by many  to be the most stressful event in life (either equal to or a close second to the death of a loved one). I believe that it is far more difficult to process than any other life event.

 

Additionally, a person going through divorce often receives much less support from the community than a person experiencing another traumatic life event. This further elevates the stress that divorce causes.

 

There are many factors that affect the stress that accompanies divorce, such as the length of marriage, the presence of children, and the relationship dynamics of your marriage and divorce.

 

To assess the level of difficulty you are likely to face in your divorce, take my FREE Divorce Diagnostics Self Assessment Quiz by >>clicking here<<. The more difficult the divorce, the more stress it will bring, making it harder to cope with divorce. It will also require greater preparation and will take a longer time to recover from.

 

Stress manifests in many ways, both emotional and physical. Divorce can sometimes be so traumatic as to cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which women are much more likely to experience than men.

 

Managing the shock and stress of divorce is a big subject and outside the purview of this post. Suffice it to say that if you find yourself experiencing a lot of stress either during your divorce or after it, the best thing you can do for yourself is to seek help from a qualified professional who can evaluate you and create a plan for recovery.

 

Each one of us needs to be mindful of how we can be our BEST self, especially when facing the challenges and stresses of divorce.

 

If you find yourself having trouble berating properly, eating nutritiously, or sleeping healthfully, your body is signalling to you that you need help. It is very important to recognize when your divorce is interfering with your daily functioning.

 

It is equally important to seek the help from professionals who can support and assist you both during and after your divorce. Divorce has the potential to be quite detrimental to your well being, so you need to proactively make the decision to take care of yourself in this difficult time.